Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I currently don't understand fingers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
