People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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