I think I died a long time ago.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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