Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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