I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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