Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
