I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
