"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
40s are totally the cure
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
