i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
