Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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