omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
