so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wrigley field is MILF paradise
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
