I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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