i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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