a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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