I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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