I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
