Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
