My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
