I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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