you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
