I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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