she smelled like a LAN party
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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