What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
