its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize