I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
