Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
