did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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