Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
