I only kidnapped one of them. chill
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
