So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
