The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize