Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
