i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
