I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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