He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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