dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
