No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize