I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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