i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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