It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
