apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
