margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
