apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
