No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
