some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
