Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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