we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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