guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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