you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
