There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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