Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Boobs are out for the taking
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
