are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
