i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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