remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
