for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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