We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
