i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
