Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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