I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
