my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
