If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
