Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
