Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
