If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
