Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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