My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
