dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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