What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize