But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
